Published on: Mon, 30 Mar 2026 10:00:00 GMT
Original Story: Who Struck It Rich in the Markets When Trump Postponed Bombing Iran? – newyorker.com

Who REALLY Benefited From That Near-War?

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into the murky swamp of, shall we say, *interesting* market behavior surrounding Donald Trump’s oh-so-dramatic decision to call off a military strike against Iran back in June 2019. Remember that? The world held its breath, poised for a potential all-out war, and then… poof. Trump, in his infinite wisdom (or perhaps influenced by a fleeting moment of sanity), decided against it. But while the rest of us were just relieved we weren’t about to be plunged into another Middle Eastern quagmire, some folks were apparently making a killing. Like, a *killing* killing.

The New Yorker article lays it all out: suspiciously timed trades, unusual market activity, and the nagging question of whether someone (or some *ones*) had advance knowledge of the impending (and then not-so-impending) strike. We’re not saying anything nefarious happened, of course. Just pointing out that sometimes, things that look like duck, quack like a duck, and swim like a duck… might just be a particularly well-disguised goose.

Remember When Trump Loved Tariffs? Good Times.

The real kicker here, though, is how this ties into Trump’s whole shtick with tariffs and the economy. He’s constantly playing this game of chicken with international trade, threatening tariffs, imposing tariffs, then backing down (sometimes), all while claiming it’s “making America great again.” But who *really* benefits from all this uncertainty? It sure as hell isn’t the average American consumer, who ends up paying more for everything from iPhones to washing machines. And it’s definitely not the farmers who saw their export markets dry up faster than a puddle in the Sahara.

Back in 2016, candidate Trump was all about bringing back manufacturing jobs by slapping tariffs on imported goods. He promised a protectionist paradise where American companies would thrive, shielded from foreign competition. Fast forward to his presidency, and what did we get? A trade war with China that, according to most economists not on the White House payroll, hurt the US economy more than it helped. And now? He’s threatening even MORE tariffs if he gets back into office. It’s like watching a pyromaniac promise to put out fires… with gasoline.

The Market’s Spidey-Sense: Or Just Good Intel?

Let’s get back to that Iran situation, shall we? The market’s reaction to Trump’s decisions, both the near-strike and the cancellation, was swift and predictable. Oil prices surged, then plummeted. Defense stocks soared, then dipped. It’s the kind of volatility that makes day traders salivate, but it also raises some serious questions. How is it that certain investors seemed to be perfectly positioned to profit from these swings? Was it just dumb luck? An uncanny ability to read Trump’s mind? Or something a little more… inside?

The New Yorker piece hints at the possibility of insider trading, or at least, suspiciously well-timed trades. It’s not a smoking gun, mind you, but it’s enough to make you raise an eyebrow and wonder if the system is really as fair and transparent as we’re led to believe. After all, in a world where information is power, access to privileged information can be the difference between making millions and losing your shirt.

The Swamp Doth Not Drain Itself

Remember Trump’s promise to “drain the swamp”? Yeah, about that. It seems like the swamp is thriving, thank you very much. The revolving door between government and the private sector is still spinning, lobbyists are still lobbying, and the well-connected are still finding ways to profit from their connections. The Iran situation is just one example of how murky things can get when political decisions have direct financial consequences.

And let’s not forget the broader context of Trump’s economic policies. His tax cuts, ostensibly designed to stimulate growth, primarily benefited the wealthy and corporations. His deregulation efforts, touted as a way to unleash the power of the free market, often resulted in environmental damage and worker exploitation. It’s a pattern: policies that sound good on paper, but in practice, seem to disproportionately favor those who are already at the top.

So, What’s the Playbook?

It’s pretty simple, really. Create chaos, exploit the uncertainty, and profit from the resulting volatility. Trump’s economic policies are less about creating a stable and equitable economy, and more about creating opportunities for those who are already in the know to make a quick buck. And as long as the rules of the game are rigged in their favor, they’ll keep playing, regardless of the consequences for the rest of us.

It’s easy to be cynical, I know. But sometimes, cynicism is just realism dressed up in a snarky disguise. And in the case of Trump’s economic policies, a healthy dose of skepticism is probably warranted. After all, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Especially when it comes from a guy who once declared bankruptcy six times.

The Inevitable “But What About Biden?”

Before the MAGA crowd starts screaming about “whataboutism,” let me just say this: I’m not letting anyone off the hook. Every politician, regardless of party affiliation, needs to be held accountable for their actions and their policies. But right now, we’re talking about Trump. And Trump’s track record on the economy is, shall we say, less than stellar. So let’s not try to deflect by pointing fingers elsewhere. Let’s focus on the issue at hand: the potential for corruption and self-dealing in the Trump administration.

Snarky Takeaway

Next time you hear Trump talking about “making America great again” through tariffs and trade wars, remember the Iran incident. Remember the suspiciously timed trades. And remember that in the world of high finance and political power, the line between coincidence and conspiracy can be thinner than a Kardashian’s patience at a red carpet event. So keep your eyes open, your wits about you, and your cynicism levels dialed up to eleven. You’re gonna need it.