Published on: Fri, 17 Apr 2026 13:14:33 GMT
Original Story: Trump celebrates after Iran announces reopening of Hormuz ‘for full passage’ – The Times of Israel

Trump’s Hormuz Victory Lap: You Buying It?

So, Donald Trump is apparently taking a victory lap after Iran announced the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz for “full passage.” Right. Because he did that. As if geopolitical tensions magically dissipate because someone with a comb-over declared it so. Let’s unpack this steaming pile of… well, you know.

Hormuz: Open for Business (Allegedly)

The Times of Israel breathlessly (okay, maybe I’m projecting) reports that Iran is letting ships through the Strait of Hormuz again. Apparently, this is worthy of celebration in certain circles. Circles that probably haven’t been paying attention to, oh, I don’t know, the last five years? The Strait of Hormuz, for those blissfully unaware, is a narrow waterway through which a HUGE chunk of the world’s oil supply flows. If it gets blocked, things get expensive. And messy.

Remember the Tanker Attacks? We Do.

Let’s just casually stroll down memory lane to 2019, shall we? Remember those mysterious tanker attacks? The ones that the US (and pretty much everyone else with a functioning brain) blamed on Iran? Trump was all fire and brimstone back then, threatening all sorts of… things. Sanctions! More sanctions! And maybe a strongly worded letter! Now, suddenly, everything’s hunky-dory? I’m calling shenanigans.

Trump’s Shifting Stance on Iran: A Masterclass in Consistency (Not)

Here’s the kicker: Trump, back in 2016 during his campaign, routinely lambasted the Iran nuclear deal (JCPOA), calling it the “worst deal ever negotiated.” He pulled the US out of it in 2018, reimposed sanctions, and generally made life difficult for everyone involved. The idea was to pressure Iran into a “better deal.” How’s that working out for ya, Don? Now, with Iran potentially flexing its muscles again (or, you know, just letting ships pass through a vital waterway), he’s claiming victory? The cognitive dissonance is strong with this one.

Remember when he promised to renegotiate the “worst deal ever”? Yeah, me neither. Instead, he doubled down on sanctions, ratcheted up tensions, and effectively handed Iran a blank check to pursue its nuclear ambitions (at least, that’s the prevailing expert opinion). Now he’s acting like opening a shipping lane is some kind of major win? It’s like praising yourself for not burning down the house after you’ve already set the garage on fire.

The Oil Price Rollercoaster: Buckle Up!

The reopening of Hormuz (assuming it’s actually happening and not just some PR stunt) might provide a temporary reprieve from soaring oil prices. But let’s be real: this is just a band-aid on a much larger wound. The global energy market is a volatile beast, and relying on the whims of a country that’s been sanctioned up to its eyeballs is hardly a recipe for stability.

Is This About Oil, or Something Else Entirely?

Could this “victory” be strategically timed? Perhaps to soften the blow of some other economic policy that’s about to rear its ugly head? Or maybe it’s just a convenient distraction from, oh I don’t know, a certain legal situation that’s been making headlines lately? Occam’s Razor suggests the latter, but in the Trump era, anything is possible. Even the implausible.

Let’s not forget, tariffs have been a cornerstone of Trump’s economic policy. He slapped tariffs on everything from steel to washing machines, all in the name of “making America great again.” But those tariffs often backfired, raising prices for consumers and hurting American businesses. So, is this Hormuz situation just a way to appear like he’s easing economic pressures while quietly plotting his next tariff-related scheme?

Snarky Takeaway

Color me unimpressed. This whole “Iran opens Hormuz, Trump saves the day” narrative is about as believable as a politician’s promise to lower your taxes. I’m sure the oil markets will react accordingly for approximately 24 hours, and then we’ll all go back to worrying about the next geopolitical crisis. And Trump? He’ll be busy tweeting about how he single-handedly solved world peace, one shipping lane at a time. Wake me up when something real happens.