Published on: Fri, 01 May 2026 20:17:00 GMT
Original Story: Trump Tells Congress Iran Conflict Is Over, Sidestepping War Authorization – WSJ

Tariff Man’s Back, Baby! (Maybe)

So, here we are again. Remember when Trump, our erstwhile dealmaker-in-chief, declared victory over Iran, telling Congress the conflict was basically over? Yeah, well, “over” is a relative term, much like “stable genius.” But let’s not get bogged down in semantics – we’ve got tariffs to talk about! Apparently, those shiny metal barriers to free trade are back on the menu, folks. Because what’s a little global economic instability between friends? Especially when those ‘friends’ might be competitors…or maybe just countries that dare to exist outside the warm embrace of American exceptionalism. It’s hard to tell, really.

Déjà Vu All Over Again: The Art of the (Non) Deal

Anyone else getting a serious case of déjà vu? It feels like we’re perpetually stuck in 2018, reliving the trade war with China. Remember that? Good times! The tariffs, the retaliations, the soybean farmers sobbing into their combine harvesters… Ah, nostalgia. Back then, Trump swore up and down that tariffs were “easy to win” and that other countries would be paying for them. Spoiler alert: they weren’t. American consumers and businesses ended up footing the bill, but hey, who needs facts when you’ve got gut feelings?

And let’s not forget the steel tariffs. Oh, the steel tariffs! Remember how they were supposed to revitalize the American steel industry? Instead, they mostly just made steel more expensive for everyone. But hey, at least a few specific companies did well, right? All that winning… just exhausting.

The Tariff Tango: A Step-by-Step Guide to Economic Chaos

Here’s how the tariff tango usually goes down:

1. Trump gets annoyed at a country (usually for reasons that are vaguely defined and possibly related to something he saw on Fox News).
2. He threatens tariffs. Big, beautiful tariffs. The best tariffs.
3. The stock market throws a tantrum.
4. Economists everywhere clutch their pearls and start muttering about supply chain disruptions and inflation.
5. Negotiations ensue (or don’t, depending on Trump’s mood).
6. Tariffs are implemented (or not, depending on the phase of the moon).
7. American businesses scramble to adjust, often by raising prices or moving production elsewhere.
8. Consumers grumble about higher prices but mostly just keep buying stuff.
9. Rinse and repeat.

It’s a beautifully choreographed dance of economic uncertainty, fueled by impulsive decisions and a healthy dose of American exceptionalism. And we, the American people, are the captive audience, forced to watch as our wallets slowly bleed dry.

Is This Time Different? (Spoiler: Probably Not)

Now, you might be thinking, “Maybe this time it’ll be different! Maybe this time Trump has a foolproof plan to use tariffs to achieve some grand strategic objective!” To which I say: Bless your heart. Let’s not pretend that there’s some masterful plan here. It’s more like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks, except the spaghetti is made of money and the wall is the global economy.

Remember when he said China would be paying the tariffs? In 2018? Yeah, good times. What a hilarious and provably false statement. Anyone who believed that, I have a bridge to sell you.

The Long Game (or Lack Thereof)

The real kicker? These tariff shenanigans rarely achieve their stated goals. They might score some short-term political points, but they almost always end up hurting American businesses and consumers in the long run. And let’s not even get started on the impact on our relationships with allies. Because who needs friends when you’ve got tariffs?

The Iran Connection: A Tangential Rant

Okay, so what does any of this have to do with Iran? Well, nothing directly. But the fact that Trump is simultaneously trying to de-escalate one conflict while potentially escalating another through tariffs is just peak Trumpian policy. It’s like he’s playing a game of international relations with one hand tied behind his back, except the hand is holding a tariff hammer and he’s swinging it wildly in all directions.