Trump Skips Super Bowl to Shout at Clouds

Published on: Sun, 08 Feb 2026 23:24:00 GMT
Original Story: Is Trump at the Super Bowl? What did he say about the game – The Providence Journal

The Big Game, The Small Screen, and The Infinite Void

I woke up today to a Slack notification from my regional VP asking if I’d “leveraged the synergies” of the Super Bowl. I haven’t even finished my first cup of over-priced, ethically sourced cold brew yet, and already the world is demanding I care about things that don’t matter. Case in point: The Providence Journal—a venerable institution, I’m sure—decided to dedicate precious server space to whether or not Donald Trump graced the Super Bowl with his presence. Spoiler alert for those of you who were busy actually having a life: He didn’t. But he did have thoughts. Oh, did he ever have thoughts.

In what has become the ultimate “Loyalty Test” for the MAGA faithful, we are once again forced to navigate the treacherous waters between loving American football and hating the fact that Taylor Swift is currently the most powerful entity in the known universe. Trump, sitting in the digital bunker of Mar-a-Lago, decided to live-blog the event with the frantic energy of a man who just discovered caps lock and hasn’t had a solid night’s sleep since the mid-nineties. He didn’t show up to the stadium, likely because the humidity would have been a catastrophic disaster for the structural integrity of his hair, but he made sure we knew he was watching. Or at least, watching the parts that weren’t “woke.”

It’s the same old dance, isn’t it? We’re all just tired. I’m tired. You’re tired. My ergonomic lumbar support chair is tired of holding up the weight of my corporate-induced existential dread. Yet, here we are, analyzing the “rhetoric” of a man who treats a football game like a referendum on his own popularity. He spent the evening oscillating between praising the players who might share his tax bracket and subtly shading the ones who definitely didn’t sign his yearbook. It’s a loyalty test where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter, unless those points are being used to distract us from the fact that our 401(k)s are essentially just a collection of “I Owe Yous” written on the back of a Starbucks receipt.

The Providence Journal article dutifully notes his comments on the “vibe” of the game, because apparently, we need a presidential play-by-play for a Usher concert. It’s the peak of our collective burnout that we can’t even watch a guy in roller skates without checking to see if a former Commander-in-Chief thinks it’s a deep state plot. I’d ask for a vacation, but I know I’d just spend it checking my email while scrolling through these nonsensical updates. At this point, the only thing more exhausting than the Super Bowl commercials is the realization that we’ll be doing this exact same thing next year. Pass the Tylenol and let me go back to my spreadsheets.

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