Tariffs? We Hardly Knew Ye.

Published on: Tue, 31 Mar 2026 11:55:00 GMT
Original Story: Exclusive | Trump Tells Aides He’s Willing to End War Without Reopening Hormuz – WSJ

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Trump’s Sudden Trade Truce? Color Me Skeptical.

Alright, folks, buckle up because the former guy, the one and only Donald J. Trump, is apparently doing a 180 on trade wars. Sources – you know, the reliable kind that conveniently leak to the *Wall Street Journal* – are saying he’s willing to end the Ukraine/Russia war *without* touching the Strait of Hormuz. Oh, and all it might take is Putin cutting ties with Xi. Because *that’s* likely.

Remember Those Tariffs, Though? Good Times.

Now, let’s stroll down memory lane, shall we? Remember 2018? The year Trump slapped tariffs on everything from Chinese steel to Canadian lumber? “Trade wars are good, and easy to win,” he famously tweeted (probably from a gold-plated toilet). He was going to “make America great again” by punishing anyone who dared to sell us goods at a reasonable price. The logic, as always, was airtight – if you ignore the gaping holes in it. Farmers, manufacturers, consumers… basically everyone except maybe the manufacturers of MAGA hats, suffered. But hey, at least we stuck it to China, right?

Hormuz: From Hot Button to “Meh”?

Now, suddenly, the Strait of Hormuz, that strategic chokepoint controlling a fifth of the world’s oil supply, is no longer a dealbreaker? Back in 2019, when Iran was allegedly harassing tankers in the region, Trump was practically salivating at the prospect of a military showdown. He threatened fire and fury, promising swift and decisive action. Now? Apparently, it’s negotiable. Maybe he realized that another Middle East conflict wouldn’t exactly boost his approval ratings, or maybe someone finally explained to him where Hormuz actually *is*. Who knows? The inner workings of that mind are a mystery for the ages.

The Art of the (Inconsistent) Deal

So, what’s changed? Well, a few things. First, Trump is desperately trying to appear presidential. He needs to convince voters that he’s not just a bloviating reality TV star, but a seasoned statesman capable of brokering peace deals. Never mind the fact that his previous attempts at diplomacy involved threatening to nuke North Korea and calling Justin Trudeau “weak and dishonest.”

Second, and perhaps more importantly, he probably realizes that a protracted war in Ukraine is bad for the economy. And a bad economy is bad for his chances of winning the election. So, he’s willing to make concessions – even if they contradict everything he’s said and done in the past.

Putin and Xi: BFFs No More? (Don’t Hold Your Breath)

The WSJ report suggests that Trump envisions a scenario where Putin ditches Xi in exchange for a favorable peace deal. Seriously? Has anyone ever tried to break up a bromance between two authoritarian strongmen? It’s like trying to separate two toddlers fighting over a particularly shiny rock. Good luck with that. These guys are in it together, and they’re not about to throw each other under the bus, unless the bus is painted gold and has their names on it.

The “America First” Illusion

Let’s be clear: Trump’s sudden willingness to negotiate is not about world peace or American prosperity. It’s about one thing and one thing only: getting back into the White House. He’ll say anything, do anything, and promise anything to achieve that goal. And if that means abandoning his previous positions, alienating allies, or making deals with dictators, so be it. He’s always put “America First,” (read: himself always first) even if it means screwing over everyone else in the process.

The Fine Print (Because There’s Always Fine Print)

Of course, there’s a catch. Trump’s peace plan reportedly involves pressuring Ukraine to cede territory to Russia. Because nothing says “peace” like rewarding aggression and violating international law. He’s essentially proposing to appease Putin, hoping that it will somehow make the problem go away. It’s like giving a toddler the shiny rock just to shut them up, only the toddler has nukes and a penchant for invading neighboring countries.

Snarky Takeaway

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Don’t believe anything Trump says. His positions are as fluid as his spray tan. He’ll flip-flop, contradict himself, and rewrite history to suit his needs. And he’ll do it all with a straight face, while simultaneously claiming to be the most honest person on Earth. Just remember 2018, when he was all about tariffs and trade wars, and ask yourself: what’s changed? The answer, my friends, is nothing. Except maybe his desperation levels. Those seem to be rising faster than inflation.
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