Published on: Tue, 03 Mar 2026 15:43:48 GMT
Original Story: Trump to POLITICO: Iran is ’running out of launchers’ – Politico

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Trump: Iran’s running out of…what now?

So, Donald Trump, our former President and current frontrunner for the GOP nomination, graced POLITICO with his… insights… on Iran. Apparently, they’re “running out of launchers.” Launchers for what, you ask? Missiles? Rockets? Maybe really aggressive water balloon fights? Your guess is as good as mine. But hey, at least he didn’t say they were running out of Diet Coke – because *that* would be a national crisis, right?

Déjà Vu All Over Again (with a side of tariffs)

Let’s rewind the clock, shall we? Remember back in 2018, when Trump pulled the U.S. out of the Iran nuclear deal? The one that, according to pretty much everyone *except* Trump and his inner circle, was actually working to curb Iran’s nuclear ambitions? Yeah, that one. He claimed it was a “terrible deal” and promised a better one. How’s that “better deal” coming along? Crickets, anyone? Now, here we are, years later, and the narrative is that Iran is somehow on the verge of collapse, resource-wise. It’s almost like pulling out of the deal destabilized the region or something. Nah, couldn’t be.

The Art of the (Trade) Deal…Or Not

Trump’s entire economic strategy (if you can even call it that) seemed to revolve around tariffs. Slap a tariff on China! Slap a tariff on steel! Slap a tariff on…well, pretty much anything that moved! The idea, as he presented it, was to strong-arm other countries into bending to his will, bringing jobs back to America, and making us great again. The reality? A whole lot of economic uncertainty, trade wars that hurt American businesses and consumers, and a global economy that looked like a toddler’s playroom after a sugar rush. And now, he seems to be hinting at economic pressure on Iran via some vague launcher shortage. It’s like he thinks the whole world runs on the same principles as a Queens real estate negotiation.

Iran: Villain du Jour?

It’s almost comical how often Iran has been trotted out as the designated villain of the day. One minute, they’re the existential threat to world peace; the next, they’re just another bargaining chip in Trump’s grand game of geopolitical chess. Remember when he authorized a drone strike that killed Iranian General Qassem Soleimani in 2020? That was supposed to deter Iran, right? Instead, it escalated tensions to near-war levels. Now, we’re back to…launcher shortages? It’s hard to keep up with the plot twists in this never-ending saga.

Sanctions, Sanctions, Everywhere!

Let’s not forget the sanctions! Trump loves sanctions more than a toddler loves mac and cheese. He slapped so many sanctions on Iran that it’s a wonder their economy hasn’t completely imploded. Of course, sanctions often hurt the average person more than the ruling elite, but hey, collateral damage, right? And what have all these sanctions achieved? Has Iran suddenly become a beacon of democracy and human rights? Has it abandoned its nuclear ambitions? Has it started offering free ice cream to all Americans? No, no, and definitely no.

Is This Even About Iran?

Here’s a thought: maybe this whole “Iran is running out of launchers” thing isn’t really about Iran at all. Maybe it’s about setting the stage for another round of negotiations (or threats) if he gets back into office. Maybe it’s about diverting attention from other issues. Maybe it’s just another shiny object to distract the masses while he figures out what he’s having for dinner. The point is, with Trump, you always have to look beyond the surface. There’s always an angle, a motive, a hidden agenda lurking beneath the bluster and the bravado. Remember the “beautiful” healthcare plan he was going to unveil? Still waiting on that one…

The Ghosts of Trade Deals Past

Going back to trade, let’s not forget the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP). Trump pulled the U.S. out of *that* one too, in 2017, claiming it was a terrible deal that would hurt American workers. The result? The U.S. lost influence in the Asia-Pacific region, and other countries stepped in to fill the void. It’s a recurring theme: Trump throws the baby out with the bathwater, then wonders why the baby is gone. And now, he’s hinting at using economic pressure (again!) to deal with Iran. It’s like he’s stuck in a time loop, reliving the same mistakes over and over again.

Snarky Takeaway

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Well, for starters, don’t take anything Trump says at face value. Especially when it comes to foreign policy and the economy. And definitely don’t expect consistency. One minute, Iran is on the brink of collapse; the next, they’re a major threat to world peace. One minute, tariffs are the answer to all our problems; the next, they’re causing economic chaos. It’s a wild ride, folks. Buckle up, because it’s only going to get crazier from here on out. And maybe, just maybe, invest in some extra-strength headache medicine. You’re going to need it.