Senior Citizen Critiques World-Class Athletes From Couch

Published on: Mon, 09 Feb 2026 17:35:00 GMT
Original Story: Watch: Chloe Kim responds after Trump calls US skier a ‘real loser’ – cnn.com

The Performance Review No One Asked For

I just finished my third cold brew and my fourth pointless Zoom call about “pivoting our strategy,” so naturally, I’m in the perfect headspace to discuss the latest HR nightmare from the national stage. It seems our former-and-potentially-future Chief Executive of the United States has decided to take a break from his busy schedule of dodging legal subpoenas to provide some unrequested performance feedback to Mikaela Shiffrin. You know, the woman with more World Cup wins than I have unread emails? Yeah, him. He called her a “real loser,” because apparently, if you aren’t winning 100% of the time, you’re basically an unpaid intern in the eyes of the ultimate “closer.”

KPIs and “Real Losers”

In a move that screams “I definitely understand the physics of a slalom run,” the man who views a flight of stairs as a personal affront decided to weigh in on elite athleticism. It’s the ultimate corporate move: ignoring a decade of record-breaking excellence because of one bad quarter. I haven’t seen a performance review this unfair since my manager told me my “vibes” were “too exhausted” during the Q3 earnings call. It doesn’t matter that Shiffrin is the GOAT (Greatest of All Time, for those of you still using a Blackberry); if you don’t deliver the specific “win” the boss wants right this second, you’re redundant.

Enter Chloe Kim. Chloe, a woman who spends her days defying gravity while the rest of us spend ours trying to remember our password for the benefits portal, had thoughts. Her response to the criticism was essentially a masterclass in “managing up.” She defended her peer against the kind of schoolyard bullying that usually happens in the comments section of a CrossFit reel, not from a political podium. It’s almost like these athletes have a sense of solidarity—a “team culture,” if you will—that doesn’t involve throwing colleagues under the bus for a few likes on a failing social media platform. Imagine that: support in the workplace. What a concept.

The Loyalty Test: Winter Edition

This isn’t just about sports, though. If it were, we’d be talking about edge angles and wax types. No, this is the Loyalty Test. In the current political climate, you’re either a “patriot” who wins for the brand, or you’re a “loser” who deserves the digital equivalent of a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). If you don’t perform exactly how the C-suite wants, or if you dare to have a personality that doesn’t align with the corporate handbook, you’re dead weight. It’s “The Apprentice,” but the boardroom is the entire country and the “firing” is just endless, exhausting vitriol from a guy who thinks exercise drains a human’s finite battery.

I’m tired, guys. I’m tired of the “winning” obsession from people who couldn’t jog to a mailbox. I’m tired of watching world-class talent get dragged by people who think “cardio” is something that happens to other people. If being the greatest skier of all time makes you a “loser,” then I guess my promotion to Editor-in-Chief of this burnout-fueled digital rag makes me a total failure. I’ll go tell my cat the news. He’s the only one whose opinion on my loyalty actually matters anyway, and he usually just wants a treats-based incentive package.

Related Coverage:

• Congressman Says Redacted Part of Epstein File Suggests Trump Never Banned Epstein from Mar-a-Lago (via People.com)
• House vote on Canada tariffs coming as soon as Wednesday (via Politico)
• Graham, others post pictures from Trump’s Super Bowl watch party (via The Hill)