Published on: Wed, 15 Jul 2026 14:52:00 GMT
Original Story: Trump endorses MyPillow founder Mike Lindell in Minnesota governor’s race – The Guardian

Orange Man Says: Loyalty’s the Softest Pillow

Well, would you look at that. Just when you thought the political circus couldn’t possibly get any more… predictable, yet simultaneously baffling, Donald J. Trump has officially thrown his considerable, albeit perpetually aggrieved, weight behind MyPillow founder Mike Lindell in Minnesota’s gubernatorial race. Yes, you read that right. The guy whose business model seems to increasingly rely on selling election conspiracy theories alongside subpar bedding is now getting the coveted nod from the former President. And frankly, if this isn’t Exhibit A for “The Loyalty Test” category, I don’t know what is. It’s less about policy, more about… well, let’s just say a very specific kind of devotion.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Pillow Salesman

Let’s be brutally honest for a moment, shall we? Mike Lindell isn’t exactly known for his profound political insights or a sterling track record of public service. His claim to fame, prior to becoming a full-time election truth-seeker and purveyor of digital fever dreams, was selling foam pillows on infomercials. Nothing wrong with a good infomercial hustle, mind you. Many of us Elder Millennials practically grew up on late-night pitches for Ginsu knives and thigh masters. But transitioning from “buy one, get one free” to “the election was stolen and I have the proof on a server in a secret location that nobody can find, honest!” is quite the pivot.

Yet, pivot he did. And with the kind of unwavering, almost desperate, loyalty that warms the cockles of a certain former President’s heart. Lindell didn’t just support Trump; he became an extension of the Trump brand, particularly after November 2020. He bankrolled documentaries filled with debunked claims, hosted “cyber symposiums” that were less about cybersecurity and more about performance art, and generally committed himself fully to the narrative that the election was rigged. He did this with a zeal that can only be described as either profoundly naive or incredibly self-serving. Or, perhaps, a potent cocktail of both.

And what has this unwavering fealty cost him? Oh, just a few lawsuits, including a rather hefty $5 million defamation judgment, and being dropped by major retailers like Kohl’s, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Wayfair. His legal bills alone could probably buy a small island. His business has reportedly taken a significant hit, not just in reputation but in cold, hard cash. But hey, when you’re playing the loyalty game, financial solvency is apparently a secondary concern. The primary currency is devotion, displayed loudly and repeatedly, regardless of consequence.

The Transactional Heart of MAGA World

This endorsement isn’t just a casual nod; it’s a profound statement about the operational mechanics of the modern Republican Party, specifically within the orbit of Donald Trump. There’s a litmus test, see? And it’s not about policy positions, legislative prowess, or even, heaven forbid, electability in a general election. No, dear reader, it’s about one thing and one thing only: absolute, unblinking fidelity to the former guy. Did you question the 2020 election results? Did you publicly defend him from all accusations, real or imagined? Did you offer your personal brand, your reputation, your very livelihood to his cause? Congratulations, you’ve passed the Loyalty Test with flying colors. Here’s your prize: an endorsement that might just help you win a primary, or at the very least, make you feel important for a little while.

A Blast from the Past: When “Losers” Were Fired

Now, this is where things get genuinely interesting, and where we tap into the deepest well of Trumpian contradiction. For years, decades even, Donald Trump built his entire public persona around being a “winner.” His brand, meticulously crafted since the 1980s and solidified during his immensely popular run on NBC’s “The Apprentice” from 2004 to 2015, was all about ruthless business acumen, an aversion to anything deemed “loser” behavior, and a fundamental belief that success was the ultimate arbiter of worth. The catchphrase, “You’re Fired!” wasn’t just a dramatic flourish; it was the embodiment of his ethos: if you weren’t winning, if you weren’t making money, if you weren’t delivering results, you were out.

He famously mocked businesses that struggled, people who filed for bankruptcy (ignoring his own history, naturally), and anyone who wasn’t perceived as a “strong” or “successful” operator. Remember his constant harping on “failing” newspapers or “low-energy” opponents? The Trump of that era would have, without a shadow of a doubt, viewed Mike Lindell’s current business predicament – facing massive defamation lawsuits, being shunned by major retailers, and enduring significant financial strain *directly as a result of his political activism* – as the epitome of a “loser” move. A truly shrewd businessman, in Trump’s old playbook, would cut his losses, pivot, and certainly wouldn’t actively jeopardize his core enterprise for what many would deem a quixotic, self-destructive political crusade.

Yet, here we are. The “winner” is endorsing the man whose loyalty has led him to be, by traditional business metrics Trump once championed, a significant “loser” in the financial sense. The contradiction is stark: Trump is no longer prioritizing business success or even strategic political advantage in these endorsements. He’s prioritizing pure, unadulterated, unthinking loyalty, even when it leads his most ardent supporters down a path of profound personal and financial detriment. The metrics have shifted from balance sheets to declarations of fealty. It’s less “You’re Fired!” and more “You’re Hired… to be loyal, no matter the cost.”

What This Means for Minnesota (and Beyond)

For Minnesota, this endorsement likely means Lindell will get a significant boost in the Republican primary. Trump’s endorsement is still the gold standard for many within the party base. Whether it makes him a viable general election candidate in a swing state like Minnesota, however, is a whole different ballgame, likely played with a significantly deflated pillow. For the broader political landscape, it reinforces a chilling message: if you want to get ahead in the Trump-aligned GOP, don’t worry too much about policy papers or even basic facts. Just make sure you’re loud, proud, and eternally, unequivocally loyal. Your personal losses are simply the price of admission.

It’s a stark reminder that the party’s internal compass has been recalibrated. It’s not about the strength of your ideas, the efficacy of your governance, or your ability to attract a broad coalition of voters. It’s about whether you’ve passed the ultimate loyalty test, sacrificed enough, and proven yourself worthy of the orange glow of approval. And in a world where facts are optional and fealty is paramount, perhaps a pillow salesman is exactly the kind of “leader” that makes perfect, if profoundly depressing, sense.

Snarky Takeaway

So, the MyPillow guy gets Trump’s blessing for a gubernatorial run. In related news, I’m just waiting for my corporate overlords to realize that my unwavering, if deeply sarcastic, devotion to meeting deadlines should earn me a corner office and a lifetime supply of artisanal coffee. After all, if Lindell’s brand of loyalty is the new gold standard, maybe my cynical exhaustion is just misunderstood dedication. Or maybe I should just buy some stock in a company that makes very, very comfortable pillows. You know, for all the napping I’ll be doing while the world burns.